Golden Roots & Cultural Crossroads: Embracing my Cultural Identity

Hello!

Today, I want to explore my cultural identity as a Hmong American, and how my naturally blonde hair has shaped that experience. Growing up, I often faced questions like, "What's Hmong?" Many, unfamiliar with my culture, would default to calling me "Chinese" and even resort to hurtful stereotypes mocking us and saying things like "Ching Chong, Ling Long, Ting Tong." This experience is, sadly, common for many Asian Americans. What made my experience unique, though, was not fitting the typical "Asian" stereotype. Many imagine pale skin, smaller eyes, and sleek, black hair. So, encountering someone with blonde or reddish hair, larger eyes, and tanned skin often lead others to assume I was of European heritage or Mexican descent.

My Parents Expressing Their Disbelief

Let's rewind to one of my earliest family stories: my parents' sheer disbelief at having another blonde baby. After trying to conceive for three years, they welcomed my oldest brother, a surprise with his blonde hair. (It's darkened over the years, but I'll still refer to it as "blonde.") The next three siblings had black hair, standard for Hmong children. So, when my sister, Sauci, arrived, also blonde, it was less of a shock. But then there was me. My mother tells the story of my birth, how the nurses presented me with distinctly reddish-blonde hair. My mom burst out laughing in disbelief, convinced there had been a mix-up! She even thought the nurses brought the wrong baby, as my features seemed different from my parents'. The nurses, of course, assured her I was indeed their child.

My sisters: Sauci (Left), Mimi (Right). Sauci's hair was super blonde as a child

From my earliest memories, I was questioned about my blonde hair as if it were a bizarre defect. When children my age asked, all I could offer was a shrug and a simple, "I don't know." But the adults were even worse – their questions were often condescending, making me feel small and lost for words. I was only three or four years old; what did they expect me to say? These constant interrogations made me feel like an outsider and would fuel the distaste I would have for the Hmong community later in life. Seeing everyone else in the Hmong community with black hair made me long for it too. I was confused, and when I asked my mom why I didn't have black hair, she'd simply explain, "Yus yog noob plaub hau daj ces yus muaj plaub hau daj xwb mo" – "Our genetics carry the blonde hair trait, so you have blonde hair." As a child, that explanation was meaningless, but what else could I do?

Metta; age 1

Sticking Out Like A Sore Thumb

When I was five, my mom enrolled me into an organization that taught the Hmong arts such as dance and "qeej". For dance, they had different instructors and put my sister Sauci and I together in one group. There was a total of 6 of us and when we went to perform, people would point us out as "The two blonde ones"; even my mom would call us that. We danced alongside black haired dancers, but from the crowd, you would only see our blonde hair. Audience members even thought we were Caucasians dancing Hmong dances! Later in 2011 when my sister and I were both reigning title holders, other would again identify us as "The Two Blonde Ones". Even til this day, when I hear stories from other people I encounter, they would mention that they knew of us because of our blonde hair; something I can laugh about now.

When I was in the fourth grade, still dancing at this time, my oldest sister Mimi had the bright idea to dye our hair black. I honestly was so excited because I was waiting for this my whole life! Reminder that Mimi was only in middle school at this time, so she didn't know what she was doing either. She went ahead to box-dye our hair black. She followed the instructions on the back of the box and when she washed out the dye, our hair turned.. Green? I was honestly mortified. "I thought it was suppose to be black!" I thought to myself. Mimi laughed at her mistake and said it did not look good. The worst part, was that she dyed it midweek, which meant, we had to go to school the next day with green hair. She washed out the dye as much as she could, but it was still very noticeable, that green tint.

For the next couple of decades, I would get asked the same types of questions:

1. "Are you full Hmong?"

2. "Why is your hair blonde?"

3. "Are you albino?"

4. "Why aren't your parents blonde?"

5. "Were you adopted?"

And the list goes on! This honestly led me to resent Hmong people because if you know about Hmong people, they love to be blunt with no filter. For a child, this is absolutely brutal. I began to disassociate with the Hmong community because my perception started to shift of who they are. To me, they were rude, blunt, and judged me first for the color of my hair before understanding the effects of their comments.

Learning to Love my Features

High school brought me face-to-face with a larger Hmong community, where everyone had naturally black hair. While I still encountered questions about my blonde hair, the tone shifted. Instead of condescension, I received compliments, which helped me appreciate my unique feature. I cherish the relationships I built with the other Hmong students in high school. These friendships were instrumental in helping me reconnect with my Hmong identity and find a sense of belonging. Before this, I grew up surrounded by Mexican culture in a predominantly Mexican neighborhood, and my closest friendships were with my Mexican peers. These friendships have stood the test of time, enriching my life for over 20 years. I've never shied away from my ethnicity, but the friends I made sometimes led others to make assumptions. Because I spent so much time with non-Hmong individuals, some people either didn't realize I was Hmong or assumed I wasn't interested in connecting with my Hmong heritage.

Before this, the only explanation I knew was the historical tale of naturally blonde Hmong ancestors in China. The story goes that Hmong people were once all naturally blonde. However, war with the Chinese led to mass killings of Hmong people, and the Chinese then raped Hmong women to pass down dark hair genes and caused the Hmong diaspora. Genetically, Hmong ancestry can be traced to China. However, many Chinese people whom I've encountered, deny this story and that this ever happened. Scientists offer other theories involving neighboring countries and genetic mixing to explain natural blonde hair in Hmong people.

High school coincided with the rise of YouTube hair tutorials, which opened up a world of possibilities. I developed a passion for styling my own hair, experimenting with braids, curls, and even learning to cut it myself! This positive environment fostered a better relationship with my hair and sparked my curiosity about other blonde Hmong individuals. Interestingly, when I met other blonde Hmong people, they were often surprised that I didn't have hazel eyes, which was my first exposure to Hmong people with naturally blonde hair and hazel eyes. This introduced me to a section of the community who had both blonde hair and naturally hazel eyes, which sparked a deeper desire to explore the genetic and cultural aspects of blonde Hmong people.

In 2011, as my sister and I prepared for the Miss Hmong pageants, our mother, reflecting traditional Hmong values, advised us to dye our naturally blonde hair black. She feared judges might misinterpret our hair color as dyed, leading them to perceive us as "poj laib" – a term often used to describe women with a reputation for partying. This was a significant concern for her, as it could negatively impact their view of us. However, we declined due to a past hair-dyeing mishap that resulted in green hair. Fortunately, our decision didn't hinder our success; we both won the Miss Hmong title in different cities that year.

My 2013 Miss Hmong California journey holds a deeply cherished memory. On the second day, a group of young girls, maybe 5 to 10 years old, approached me with such genuine kindness. They were drawn to my blonde hair, and one of them shared that she had blonde hair too. Their encouragement was so sweet, and they told me they were rooting for me. This seemingly small interaction had a profound impact. The next day, during the Q&A round, I saw them in the audience. When I was asked my question, I thought of those girls who looked up to me and spoke from the heart about what the title meant to me, envisioning myself as a role model for them. You can actually see in the video of my Q&A somewhere on YouTube and had this huge smile spread across my face the moment the question was asked. Ultimately, that encounter inspired my answer, and I believe it played a pivotal role in my being crowned Miss Hmong California 2014.

2012

Over the last ten years, I experimented with my hair with dyeing it dark brown, blonde, rose gold, red, and ombre blonde; which is my preferred choice. It was also in these last ten years that I got to rebuild my relationship with the Hmong community to redefine what they mean to me. I think many can agree that there is a side to the Hmong community that can be viewed as toxic when it comes to gender roles, misogyny, and understanding traditions. Many of this has stemmed from generational trauma, which I've written about as part of my research project for my Master's Program. If you're curious to learn more, you can read that blog post HERE.

We Were Once Demi-Gods

I'm a big fan of movies and novels, and growing up, Asian representation in media was sadly lacking. It's been wonderful to see that change in Hollywood recently. One story that particularly resonated with me came from a shaman I know, "Siab Hlub" (also known as "Faj Tim Feeb"), who is actually "Phauj" for me. A few years ago, she shared her version of the Hmong creation story, which varies from shaman to shaman based on their individual experiences and visions. According to Siab Hlub, a God fell in love with a Hmong woman, and their children all had blonde hair. She called these descendants "Menyuam Hmoov Ntuj" (Children of Destiny or Blessing, resulting them as Demi-Gods), implying that at one time, blonde hair was prevalent among Hmong people. As someone who loves Greek Mythology, I instantly saw this as our own Hmong mythological tale. It sparked my curiosity and imagination about what it means to be a Hmong person with blonde hair, much like the fantastical allure of wanting to be a mermaid like Ariel from "The Little Mermaid" despite the implausibility. If you're interested in hearing her version of this captivating mythology, you can find the video on her YouTube (mostly in Hmong).

My Blonde Hair Today

It took time, but I genuinely love my blonde hair now. Being a Hmong person with natural blonde hair is a unique part of my identity that I feel compelled to represent within the community. With so many people dyeing their hair blonde these days, it can be hard to tell who's naturally blonde and who isn't. I still get mistaken as not being Hmong because of my "Western" features, and people often assume I dye my hair since I've added highlights. I always get excited when I see other blonde Hmong kids at community events, and call them my "brothers" and "sisters." I often wonder if they're facing the same challenges I did as a child. My husband loves to tease that we are "Super Saiyans," and he hopes that we will one day have an all blonde baby like me. Blogging has rekindled my desire to understand the stories, science, and history of blonde Hmong individuals, and I'll soon be sharing more about my "Hmong Hairitage Project." Be on the lookout for a future dedicated post that will celebrate the existence of blonde hair within the Hmong community and my ideas and plans to bring more light to this topic.

PC: GFlower.jpg; Stockton Hmong New Year '24