Lessons Learned & Titles Earned: From Competitor to Coach, Empowering Young Women, One Sash at a Time
- Metta Xiong
- Apr 29
- 9 min read
Updated: May 5
Hello!
I'm excited to finally share my pageant journey with you! This will be a deep dive into my experiences, starting from the very beginning. I've faced countless challenges and learned invaluable lessons along the way, and I believe my story offers unique insights into the world of pageantry. Before I jump into sharing my top pageant tips in the next post, I want to give you the background – to show you how I got here and the path I took. Consider this the prologue to my pageant story!
Seeing Pageantry for the First Time
Looking back, my introduction to pageantry was inextricably linked to my family's strong connection to the Hmong community. Growing up in Merced, CA, the annual Hmong New Year was a significant event, and I remember those early pageants vividly. They may have been different from what we see today, but they were important milestones. My dad’s role as emcee for the dance competition and the pageant itself put me even closer to the action and provided me a Behind The Scenes look at what goes on. That spark led my parents to become huge pageant fans. We’d watch Miss America, Miss USA, Miss Universe and, thanks to my dad’s resourceful Thai TV setup, even pageants from Thailand. All of this – the early exposure, the diverse range of pageants, and, most importantly, my parents' unwavering support – really set the stage for everything that came after, both in my own participation and in my work helping others.
Hmong Pageants in the 2000's
In 2002, my sister Mimi, who just turned 16 a month prior to Merced Hmong New Year, decided to enter the pageant. She was already teaching dance, coaching two groups who competed at the Merced New Year regularly. But she wanted to challenge herself and enter the pageant, purely out of her own interest. And if that wasn't enough, she also decided to compete in the dance competition at the same time! In retrospect, it was a crazy move. I definitely wouldn't recommend anyone try to do both at once. Back then, the Miss Hmong Merced pageant was a big deal. Every year, there'd be at least ten contestants. Seeing Mimi’s hard work and the guidance my dad provided as she prepared for the pageant and the dance competition was fascinating and gave me a different view of pageantry and a more in depth look at what it takes to prepare for pageants.
QUICK STORY OF MY DAD: He grew up in Laos and Thailand being musically gifted and was even in a band in his early days. He was very comfortable hosting as an emcee, singing, playing an instrument, and everything that has to do with stage production. With this background, he was very knowledgeable in stage presence and in speaking to command the stage. Currently, he holds a Master's degree in Education, an Administrative credential, and has retired as a long-time elementary school teacher.
I'm grateful for my dad's involvement and support of pageantry and Hmong dance. He was definitely tough on us like any passionate parent, however, I know now that he only wanted us to do our best and be able to reach our highest potential. He showed up to every dance and pageant competition and recorded every single one of them. He would then go back and watch them and tell us what we needed to work on for improvements. This was something that I would pick up myself and learn through other sports to coach my own clients on as well. Mimi placed 3rd for the Miss Hmong Merced pageant that year and even went on to host her own Little Miss Hmong pageant the following year, which I think was actually the first Little Miss Hmong pageant that I know of. Mimi also went to compete in the Miss Hmong International pageant a few years later (2004-2005), placing 5th.
I spent almost every year since 1999/2000 competing in Hmong dance and witnessing Hmong pageants. I've seen it evolve over the years and have seen the highs, the lows, the ugly, the scandals, and, most importantly, the impact it's given to the community. My other sister, Sauci, also competed in multiple pageants as well, placing at the Miss Water Festival pageant, Miss Hmong Merced, Miss Hmong California, Miss Hmong International, and Miss Atwater pageant. All of my sisters and I have continued to train delegates to compete in multiple pageants and have shared valuable information and knowledge to young women on their journey to the crown. Check out my sister's dedicated YouTube channel where she shares her knowledge and experience on pageantry for more information as well!
My Own Pageant Journey
Back in 2003, Mimi organized her own Little Miss Hmong pageant as a fundraiser for our dance groups, which was a huge success! Honestly, my memory of that night is a bit hazy because it was so long ago! But I do remember Mimi having us, her dancers, participate in the pageant. For me, it was all about the shopping at that age! I was genuinely surprised to have even placed 3rd. Years later, when Sauci wanted to enter the Miss Water Festival pageant, she and Mimi somehow convinced me to join too. Competing with your sister? Definitely not something I envisioned or particularly wanted to do. I was probably about 15 or 16 during this time. This pageant was different; it was hosted by a great organization who was celebrating the traditional Water Festival similar to "Songkran" in Thailand. It was supposes to be a fun, lighthearted Summer celebration, and I genuinely enjoyed it. I didn't take it too seriously, and it turned out to be a great experience. Sauci took home the crown, and I ended up as the runner-up that year!
By 2010-2011, when I competed in the Miss Hmong Merced pageant (later called Miss Hmong Central Valley), pageantry looked very different than it does today. We lacked the resources that are now readily available, and the competitions were steeped in tradition, featuring a band, wearing traditional Hmong clothing, and having male escorts. Given my family's history with the pageant – especially my sisters – there was a definite sense of expectation that I would compete too. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have. It really wasn't my thing at the time. But looking back, I'm thankful for the experience and proud to have been a part of that tradition. That year, I won my first title as Miss Hmong Merced 2011. I dedicated myself to the role that year, making numerous appearances and immersing myself in community projects. I'm not one to brag, but I'm especially proud of some of the initiatives we launched. My sister and I were the first to offer scholarships, organizing giveaways of school supplies and backpacks, and honor our Hmong veterans. It's rewarding to see the cascading impact those early projects have had, influencing many of the Hmong court's activities today.
After crowning my successor, I felt the need to prioritize my studies and complete my degree. There was also a series of profound personal challenges made me question whether I'd ever participate in pageantry again. The most significant of these challenges was the passing of my older brother. He was the heart of our family, a gifted musician with so much promise. His loss in the summer of 2013 was a tragedy that hit our family hard, especially with my mother. As a mother myself now, I truly understand her pain because there is no love like a mother's love. When the Sacramento Hmong New Year pageant approached, they were still recruiting contestants. My mother saw it as an opportunity to end the year on a more positive note and encouraged me to enter. Ultimately, I decided to do it for her and for my family, hoping to bring some joy during a dark time. The outpouring of support was amazing, and I'm grateful I participated. Winning that year was an incredibly emotional experience. It wasn't just happiness; it was the sense of accomplishment knowing I could provide a small moment of hope for my family during such a difficult period.
After 2014, my life became incredibly demanding. I was in my final year of undergrad, my parents were separating, we were still mourning the loss of my brother, and I took on three jobs to support both my family and my studies. This workload ultimately led me to a 5-year career of 50-hour work weeks. Pageantry was the furthest thing from my mind. From 2017 to 2019, my mom repeatedly urged me to compete in the Fresno pageant, but I simply couldn't find the time, and I doubted my employer would grant me two weeks off during our busiest season. Looking back, I wish I had done it for the experience, but I don't regret prioritizing my other obligations. My 2014 reign had left a bitter taste in my mouth due to rumors, scandals, and disrespect I experienced that year. I did my best to fulfill my duties, but I wasn't going to let it further impact me after everything else I was dealing with. After crowning my successor, I stepped away from pageantry entirely. Although many young women reached out to me seeking sponsorships or training, I declined, offering only words of encouragement and general advice for success.
Transformation in Hmong Pageants
Despite maintaining a distance from active competition for several years, I remained engaged with the pageant world by staying current with trends, following annual competitions, and serving as a judge. This afforded me the opportunity to observe changes in organizational leadership and the emergence of strong Hmong women as competitors. I met impressive individuals with remarkable platforms and visions for positively impacting our community. While my experience is primarily within California pageants, I've heard that organizations outside of California operate at a higher standard with more effective leadership. Historically, Hmong pageants were central to many organizations, but that has shifted. The rise of Hmong dance and dance competitions has contributed to a decline in pageant participation, with many pageants now attracting only 4-6 contestants annually. Organizations must address the underlying causes of this decline. While there are many potential explanations, without strong leadership committed to meaningful change beyond the bare minimum, increased participation remains unlikely.
To increase participation, pageant organizations must modernize their vision as many still cling to outdated traditional ideals. A higher level of recruitment effort is essential, along with comprehensive support for the titleholder before, during, and after her reign, particularly in her mission, vision, and platform. Positive experiences from contestants will result in support and praise which can result in passive recruitment. An attractive prize package is also crucial; without it, potential contestants lack incentive to compete. While a $10,000 prize may seem substantial, organizations must consider the other forms of value they offer. Delegates seek more than just prize money; they desire a truly enriching 'Miss Hmong' experience. It's concerning to see titleholders left largely unsupported after the New Year to execute their projects and initiatives. While some organizations argue their operations are strictly volunteer-based, the question should be: Why are we settling for such a low expectation? With the right team, planning, and execution, these organizations could create full-time salaried jobs for professionals, transforming a part-time activity into a sustainable career path. Based on my experience with community-based organizations, this is achievable and can be a key area of focus with the right team.
Life as a Pageant Trainer
I find genuine fulfillment in coaching, guiding others both personally and professionally. In the world of pageantry, selecting the right coach is paramount. My approach centers on cultivating your unique potential, not transforming you into someone you're not. My focus is on meaningful growth and learning, rather than simply achieving victory. It's essential that I connect with potential clients, as compatibility is key and my coaching style might not be the ideal fit for everyone. I strive to empower young women to amplify their voices authentically, helping them reach their full potential while remaining true to themselves. One of the biggest compliments I receive is for the clarity and effectiveness of the speeches I help develop. However, I can't take all of the credit. My sister, Mimi, who is a certified translator, and my dad, being my dad, ensures that the words used are grammatically correct. For example, when asking around on how to translate generational trauma, the common response from other educated Hmong individuals I had asked was, "Txoj kev ceeb los ntawm yus niam, yus txiv, yus pog, yus yawg ua tau cuam tshuam tej me nyuam txoj kev loj hlob" and other versions of this. Grammatically I knew it wasn't accurate, so when I asked my dad, he told me to give him a couple of days to come up with a response since there isn't a direct translation. A few days later, he came up with, "Txoj kev xav uas zoo tsis sib thooj ntawm niam txiv thiab tub kis ib txheej dhau ib txheej". This was by far much more accurate and sounded so much better. I'm grateful for both my sister and my dad's support and help. If anyone is looking for AMAZING translation services, let me know and I'll have my sister or my dad provide their paid services!
The demands of being a pageant trainer have often dominated my schedule, requiring me to dedicate weekends and weeknights to coaching, which inevitably reduces the time I can spend with my family. While these demands were more manageable prior to having my son, I now place a higher value on the moments I share with my husband and child. My typical training schedule involves a gradual ramp-up, starting in April with bi-monthly sessions and culminating in multiple weekly practices in the lead-up to the competition. Competition days are particularly demanding, often requiring early 3 AM wake-up calls and limiting my ability to participate fully in New Year's festivities. This year, I've made the conscious decision to prioritize other aspects of my life, specifically spending more time with my son, and will therefore be refraining from taking on new clients. To those considering competing in a pageant this year, I will be sharing my advice and insights in upcoming blog posts! I hope to return to training aspiring pageant contestants in the future when my personal schedule becomes more accommodating.
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